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Q & A ~ When Your Husband Is Not A Christian, And You Are

I am adding a Question and Answer feature on the CHK blog. You can see the button there in the right column where you click and go to the Q&A page. I will be sharing answers to your questions weekly here at the CHK blog.  q-a

I hope you will jump right in and ask about anything that is on your mind including homemaking, scripture, Biblical principles, etc. When you ask something about the Christian Life, scripture or Biblical principles, my goal is to go with you to the Word to see what God says.

When you have questions about homemaking, children, cooking, baking and other domestic areas, I will either tell you what I know or help you to find an answer.

This week’s question is from Laura and its about what to do when you are a Christian and your husband is not…

I found a new Church and realized just saying you believe in God isn’t enough. It’s changed my life and I go to Church every single week (look forward to it) and I’m thinking of getting baptized soon, but the problem is I go to Church every week without my husband. It’s just me and the kids.

I want so bad for him to be Christian or just be open in trying to understand things and to come to Church for a couple of months.

I think it could make our marriage even better and it could heal alot of my husbands issues if he could only have a relationship with God. Hubby has a lot of issues, things from his past etc that I really think the only answer to is God.

What do I do? Try to get him to go? Leave him be and just keep praying for him? Talk to him more? I don’t know what to do.

God isn’t silent about Christians who are married to non-believers. Paul assures us that some unbelieving husbands can be won to the Lord without a word from their wives, simply watching her live out her faith will be witness enough.

Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. 1 Peter 3:1-2

Loving behavior and acceptance can increase the intimacy in your marriage and can bolster the Christian witness you want to show him on a daily basis. Remember too, that even though your husband is an unbeliever, God expects you to treat him and your marriage as a treasure, nurturing it and helping it grow and blossom.

Putting Jesus first doesn’t mean ignoring your spouse. It means occasionally missing a church service to be with him, honoring him and developing a strong friendship with him through the years. It means accepting this marriage bond as binding and life-long, something to be thought about and improved upon constantly. Putting Jesus first in your own life will allow your own relationship with God to grow and prosper and this is also something your husband will notice. God will use your faith to speak to your husband.

I know how desperately you want your husband to know the Lord, how much you want him to share this new-found freedom in Christ and to know Him personally. You can be sure that God wants a relationship with your husband more than you want it for him.

But you cannot change his mind with many words and reasons why he should become a Christian. You can discuss things about Christianity with your husband, you can live our your faith in front of him every day. But only God can change his heart.

Continue praying for him and don’t give up! Be his best friend and his loving, helping wife. God is speaking to him even now, you can be sure of that!


  1. alice hart

    Hi, we’ve been married for two years. his father is muslim and mothe r is from a non christian but simular background. We have a newborn. my husband INFREQUENTLY WENT TO CHURCH WITH ME IN THE BEGGINING, SO I KNEW BETTER. I looked the other way and married him because he is a good person in a million ways and lives a very moralistic life in most of the obvious ways. What I didnt realize is that he knew nothing about Chritianity, but enought to fit in. He got baptisede at my proding but has no real affection for Christ. nor an understanding of the cross or what God did for us thru Jesus Christ. now that we are married i see that we are totally different. His goal in life seems to be to sue people and large companies in order to get money, as well as other un christian but legal things. I am burdened because he wants to start an organization against gays, with the goal to unite straight men. He heard my pastor say that being gay is bad, but never heard or doesnt want to hear about the love of christ towards them. (God loves them but hates sin) He and his friends spend thier time pursuing thier law sutes and is a way and spends so much money doing this but has not seen a return from it. we live very frugal life styles but he throws money away at the pursute of suing someone with the hope of getting paid. I have talked and prayed and it has started deteriorating our relationship. i just had the baby and am alone much of the time because he is picketing a movie studio that didnt pay him. what do I do? I love my husband and he loves me but doesnt really have a clue about marriage I realize. he also had secret money saved when we got married which is why he feels its ok to throw money away on the law suits. he says that its his money not our money because he had it before we married. I have neve asked him for any and am not going to but he has made it clear that in his eyes I should have been saving for this time in our lives. Who is this man and how could I have not seen this coming? I feel tricked, and dooped. I am a strong christian, and love GOd sincerly, I believe God but our daily lives has been very dificult , plus im so alone!

  2. Sylvia

    Marie, my heart goes out to you. I know this waiting is tough. The Lord is working in your husbands life, you can be sure of that. God is always working to draw people to Himself. So let me encourage you to rest in the Lord, keep your witness to your husband bright and true and don’t give up! You and your husband are in my prayers today.

  3. marie

    Thank you for the uplifting words of encouragement. I really am discouraged daily when it comes to my husband and how much he is not willing to understand or believe. I know that God will come through and I pray everyday for him and marriages that need to be Christ-centered. Sometimes I cry and feel utterly defeated because he doesn’t understand and it hurts so much to be constantly torn between this world that my husband is in and the relationship I want to keep with Jesus. I will keep praying because I know Christ can overcome anything.

  4. Sylvia

    I continue to pray for Rachel and I will be praying for you too, Melissa. I know you love those men dearly and want God’s best for them!

  5. Melissa

    I have also just found this post via google and feel relieved by it. I pray everyday that God will open my Husbands heart and let him recieve the holy spirit. The more I try to talk to my husband about Jesus, I seem to push him further away. I will now let him be and just live out my christian life and keep praying.

  6. Rachel

    I have just found this post through a google search and I am so very encouraged by it.

    My own husband who I love so deeply is not a Christian and breaks my heart. I cry out to the Lord so often with my fears and hurts. Your answers here have uplifted my heart and it’s so important to remember that the Lord loves him so much more than I ever could. He has not forgotten my husband.