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Q & A ~ Dating A Non-Christian

This week’s question comes from Jeannie. This is a very important topic, so I invite you to join me as we search the Word for what God says about dating non-Christians. q-a

As a middle aged woman, ready to date again, I find the pool of quality men small, and even smaller is the pool of Christian.

To be honest, a lot of the non Christian men are nicer and have more to offer than the Christian men do.

I was married to a man that shared my faith before, so I know how
wonderful that can be. But I find I am turning down, good datable men
because they either are not Christians or are just casual Christians.

Do I avoid dating all non-Christian men?

Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? 2 Corinthians 6:14

There is nothing inherently wrong with dating unbelievers. However, since God’s Word is not only a compilation of specific statements about life, but also a book of principles for living the Christian Life, there is more to think about when it comes to dating non-believers.

Its a real problem! Trying to find someone who is compatible with you, someone whose personality really works with yours, who you find attractive and who loves the Lord Jesus … can seem down right impossible. Should you go to a different Church? Date that non-Christian guy at work? Lower you standards? All those things can really distract you from your walk with the Lord.

Above all else: guard your heart ….. Proverbs 4:23

The thing we often forget is that when we belong to Jesus, there are things in which we are limited. One of those things is the pool of people we can choose from to have a husband or wife. The Bible tells us that the way of Christ is narrow and that there are not many who find it. It stands to reason then, that the group from which we can choose a mate is equally narrow.

Even though dating a non-Christian is not a good idea, consider with what compassion God views those who are in a marriage with an unbeliever: For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. 1 Corinthians 7:14. What this means is that the believer’s life will be a testimony to the unbeliever and that the believer’s faith may lead the unbeliever to faith in Christ. Still not an ideal situation and not one that God chooses for His people.

Here are some things to think about when considering who to date:

1. Do not be deceived: Bad company ruins good morals 1 Corinthians 15:33. Will dating a non-Christian be a good thing for your relationship with Christ? Will it draw you closer to Him? Or will it cause you to pull away?

2. Can a non-Christian man lead a spiritually mature woman? Its not likely. The bible tells us that the man should be the spiritual leader in a relationship.

3. You may find that you have opposite views from a non-Christian in many areas. What happens is that you will be tempted to compromise. The non-Christian can break certain rules (convictions) that you have for your life and you may feel pressured to break those convictions as well, simply to maintain the relationship. A non-Christian may feel indifferent about your convictions, but you will have to deal with them.

4. Are you prepared to be emotionally involved with someone with whom you cannot talk about your deepest feelings and hopes in the light of God and His plan?  There is a level of intimacy that you cannot achieve with someone who does not share your faith. Are you sure this is something you want to experience?

5. It may be very difficult to end an emotional relationship with someone if you find that you are not compatible spiritually. Even a casual dating can become a relationship of love. The best thing to do is not to entangle yourself in the first place.

So what do we do?  I think there are a few things we can do to enhance our opportunities for meeting people.  Going to Church and being active there is a great one. I think obviously, the bigger the Church the bigger your opportunities. Some Churches even have godly singles groups.  Being involved in community activities can be a way to meet others and so can being a volunteer in Christian outreach groups in your community.

Don’t leave out prayer. God is intensely interested in your life and in your emotional needs.  I believe He has a plan for you, and while I cannot say that it does or does not include a Christian husband, I do know that He wants the very best for you.

I know this is not an easy answer.  Frankly, you are a grown woman and I would never assume to tell you what to do about this topic, but would just speak these words of truth into your life and ask you to pray about it.  I will be praying for you too, Jeannie, because I know this is important and that you are concerned about what God wants for your life.


  1. Michael

    Thanks for the reply guys. It makes sense that light/dark is used as an analogy for comparing the lives of the devote vs non Christians. I want to throw a caveat in here. What if I was a Muslim? Would it work for me to marry a Jew or a Christian? After all, we all believe in the same Yahweh, but it’s just the “finer details” that we differ in.

    • Sylvia

      Michael, you’re mistaken about that. We don’t all believe in the same Yahweh. The God of Judaism and Christianity is not the god of Islam. Different all together.

      • Michael

        But in Islam, they still recognize all the Prophets in the Old Testament plus Jesus as another Prophet. They just include the Quran and have another Prophet named Mohammed. Am I mistaken?

  2. Cheryl

    There’s an old adage, ‘the truth hurts’. Obviously truth doesn’t do us harm. What it means is that when we learn the truth about a situation, and we weren’t on the side of the truth, it will bother us.
    I would ask you to spend some time, quietly, and thoughtfully consider why a non-believer being described in the Bible as being “in darkness” is something you disagree with.
    It reads to me as if He has spoken to your heart.
    It is difficult to let go of a comfortable and familiar life or belief system.
    Michael, there are no gray areas with God. There is only light and dark, and darkness is the default state until a conscious choice is made. It refers to a man’s innermost being, the real you, as it were. Not your body. Not your conduct. Your spirit man.
    We were all in darkness until we were born into light.

    • Lily

      Beautifully said Cheryl.

    • Newjerusalem

      Well said Cheryl.

  3. Lily

    Michael says: I’m agnostic and I am more chivalrous and have a much stronger sense of morality than most of the Christians I know. Just because someone is a non-believer doesn’t mean they are automatically “darkness”, as written in Corinthians 6:14. Non-Christians can be very nice people too.

    Michael, which book of Corinthians are you referring to . . . there are two: a first and second book. Yes, you are correct when you stated that there are sometimes nonbelievers who are more “chivalrous” and perhaps even possess a stronger sense of morality than Christians you know; however, these are NOMINAL Christians — those who are most likely not walking in the faith if they are still living in sin and with an unrepentant heart. So, basically these people you are referring to as “Christians”. Matthew 7:16: Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles?
    In other words, this is similar to the secular adage: Actions speak louder than words. And being a Christian has nothing with what the world describes as being “nice”. This is what the world would have one believe, but I’m looking at this through the lens of the Bible.