I have heard Christian women say that gossip consists only of malicious speech or that it only matters where your heart is when you talk.

I disagree with that definition.

I take a hard line stance on this topic because I have seen first hand what it can do.

You can be participating in Gossip in all kinds of ways like in sharing prayer requests, sharing your feelings or relating a situation to someone. It boils down to what your saying and the real reason you are saying it.

Here is a good rule of thumb when deciding what gossip is:

1) Is it TRUE?

2) Is it HELPFUL ?

3) Is it INSPIRING?

4) Is it NEEDED?

5) Is it KIND?

Now, it must meet all 5 requirements, not just one. If it is true and yet, it is not needful….. it is gossip. If it is true and is not kind to repeat, it is gossip. If its helpful and true…. and yet it is not really needful….. it is gossip.

THINK… before you speak…..

Is it TRUE? – Is what you’re about to say, true in every aspect?

Is it HELPFUL?  Is what you’re about to say going to help the one you are talking about and the one who is hearing it?

Is it INSPIRING?  is what you are about to say edifying? Will it life up the Body of Christ and give God glory?

Is it NEEDED?  Not everything we want to say is necessary. Is what you are thinking of saying, necessary?

Is it KIND? Would you want someone to say this about you or about your child?

As you can see, gossip doesn’t necessarily have to be “malicious” in order to betray a confidence.

The best way to measure yourself or others speech to see if it may be gossip is to go to God’s Word……
A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid a man who talks too much. Proverbs 20:19
A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, and a man of understanding is even tempered. Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue. Proverbs 17:27,28

 

James 3:1-12 explains in detail the importance of taming our tongue. Many women have a really hard time controlling their tongues. So many women think they have to “know’ ? So many women think they have to ‘tell’ ? When in truth, it is neither necessary or important that they possess or share knowledge about other people.

Gossiping brings a feeling of importance to people, it brings attention. I know a lady who disguises her gossip in the form of prayer requests. I was fooled by it once, but I will never be fooled by it again. God knows what we all need, I only have to lift up a name or identify a person in some way in my mind and ask God to have His will in that life. I don’t need to tell God who it is and what the situation is.

We must ask ourselves WHY we want to tell something we know. And we must ask WHY we want to hear something about others. It is out of curiosity? Is it because we think we cannot pray correctly if we do not know? Neither are valid reasons.

If someone wants to share about their own life with me, I will always listen. In that case the information is coming from the first source and God may give me some wisdom to impart or simply prompt me to pray. However, I have learned that most ‘telling’ comes from an immature need for attention and I refuse to participate in it.

Its important not to participate in gossip even when its uncomfortable to extricate yourself from the conversation. One way that works for me is to say, “I know that you are concerned for Sue but I don’t believe we should be discussing this. Let’s pray right now for her.” And I lead the prayer so that there will be no more gossip. Sometimes I actually ask the Lord to forgive us for participating in what amounts to gossip.

Or, if the occasion doesn’t lend itself to immediate prayer, I will say, “Lets not talk about it anymore, lets just take it to the Lord.”

Now, sometimes the gossip is really heavy duty and obvious. In those occasions, I simply say, “We don’t really need to be talking about this.” And then I either change the subject or excuse myself and leave.

You’re a big girl. You know whether or not what you or someone else is participating in is gossip.

Do you struggle with gossip? What do you do if you find yourself potentially gossiping or hearing gossip?

What are  some ways you deal with gossip in your life? 

How do you leave a conversation that is gossipy? 

Why do you think women gossip, even in Christian circles?