Wasn’t that the title of a children’s book from years ago? I just found the picture of the book. I’ll share it here. It is a Rod & Staff book that we used in the 2nd grade, I think.
The days do go by rather quickly now. I don’t mind but I realize because the days go by quickly and I’m a little slower than I used to be, I don’t get everything done I’d like to get done in a day. When I look back on the first things I posted on CHK in 1997, I wonder what that version of me would think of me now. I wonder what she’d day to me? I think she’d speak kindly to me.
I do have more wisdom now and more compassion, more love. I think those are the important things, not keeping a perfectly clean house. Not that mine was ever perfect, ha!
I didn’t make any New Year’s resolutions this year, I don’t usually. Do you? I am though trying to do something more than I’ve ever done it: talking to myself like I am my own best friend, speaking kindly to myself.
I realize I say very negative things to myself and it’s usually when I am anxious. So I have been trying to say to myself, when I feel anxious, “You’re doing great, it’s going to be OK.” “That wasn’t the right thing to do but you didn’t know what else to do, you did your best, give it to God and rest in Him.”
For the longest time after we left our church of over 25 years, I berated myself and told myself that I was stupid, an awful person, that I must have caused all the problems the church was experiencing, that how I was feeling was my own stupid fault. I stopped calling myself names but the feelings remained until I started speaking to myself the way a best friend would.
I want to tell you something. I needed grace. I needed a human being to call me up and say, “It’s going to be OK, you are doing the right thing (or the wrong thing!) and here is why …” But I didn’t have that, so I had to rely totally on the Lord and be that for myself.
Not long afterward, I saw the situation more clearly and knew that leaving was the only thing I could do and that I wasn’t responsible for the trouble. I don’t think I could see this until I stopped being so negative with myself.
I’m not talking about Word of Faith beliefs here. I’m not talking about “affirmations” either. I’m talking about that inner dialogue that happens for almost everyone where we either build ourselves up or tear ourselves down. You know in Ephesians 4 where it talks about not letting unwholesome words come out of your mouth?? Well this is about not speaking those unwholesome words to your own self.
Now with my husband’s stroke and some terrible things that happened at the same time, I started the whole berating myself and talking negatively to myself again. That was a year and a half ago and I have only just in the past few months started speaking to myself kindly again. When I say talking negatively, berating myself, what I mean is I spoke mean, hurtful words to me, I beat myself up with words. And because I believed those words, I cried all the time.
You might say, “Sylvia, why in the world would you do that to yourself?” I don’t know but it is my default setting to blame myself and beat myself up. I am devoted to stopping that behavior in myself and with God’s help, I will.
Speaking kindly to myself really is helping me not to be so anxious and I am not having the mental stress of thinking that I’m such an awful person. I created that feeling of awfulness with my words to myself.
I’ve been saying, “Do you need to pray about this? Do you need to repent for anything? You are doing the right thing in this and it is all you can do, so rest in the Lord.”
At the same time, I talk to the Lord. I ask for help and I worship Him. As I read the Bible and pray, He shows me what His will is and I am convicted or encouraged where I need to be.
You should try it if you don’t already talk to yourself like this. It is reassuring and keeps me from feeling so negative. Add it to your prayer life. My 1997 version of me would have spoken kindly to me today, I think. And that is something I’ve learned from her just recently.
Apply this verse to others and to yourself as well … Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing. 1 Thessalonians 5:11
I’m convinced that we are our own worst enemy when it comes to telling ourselves negative things. As the days go by, speak kindly to yourself, see if it isn’t a blessing.
Hey, while I’m thinking of it, if you’d like to get new posts from CHK in your email, scroll down to the very bottom of this page and enter your email address to subscribe. Every time there is a new post, it will be sent to you.